I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
