One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
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Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
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How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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