His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
