you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
