i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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