clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
