drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
