Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
