Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
