My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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