you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
