9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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