life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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