lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
