saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
