Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
