to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
