ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
