And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
