yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
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This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
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I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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