walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
