he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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