32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
