We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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