eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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