he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
