and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
