So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
