If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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