im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
