I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
