just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
