Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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