So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
