you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
