i don't like sucking hair
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
