Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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