I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
