U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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