The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
