she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How external is "for external use only"?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
