@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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