she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
