Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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