we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
