The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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