Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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