My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
