made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
