nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
