He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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