if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
