Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
