Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I think i got beer on your cat.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
