Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
if i died would you start the facebook group?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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