I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
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He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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