Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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