If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
