Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
