I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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