Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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