Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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