even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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