There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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