Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
