you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
