New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
