How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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