at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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