the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
